Topic Title

"And now.....Deep Thoughts...by Jack Handey."

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.


I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.


I hope that when I die, people say about me, 'Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.'

More Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed shrink is our friend.

"Dark humor takes a keen mind and great intellect, no sick ... sick that's it." - SJ

Don't take life too seriously... Nobody gets out alive.

“Let the future tell the truth, and evaluate each one according to his work and accomplishments. The present is theirs; the future, for which I have really worked, is mine.”

Nikola Tesla

Latin is a language, as dead as dead can be.
First it killed the Romans, and now it's killing me.

And along those lines...

Semper Ubi Sub Ubi.

Always Where Under Where,

Ubi dubi ex flagellum.

When in doubt, whip it out.

"Romani Ite Domum ... Romans Go Home" Brian of Nazareth (not the Savior)

[Mark F. Madura]

The more we live by our intellect, the less we understand the meaning of life. - Leo Tolstoy

[Mark F. Madura]

They say only 10 percent of the brain's function is known. Apparently, the function of the remaining 90 percent is to keep us from discovering its function. - George Carlin

[Mark F. Madura]

True Tales from Tech Support
I asked a user if he was running his program under Windows. He said "No. My desk is by the door -- but you know, you make a good point. Tony sits under a window and his program is working fine."

- Scott Adams

[Mark F. Madura]

Most people don't know what they are doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. - George Carlin

In case this one hasn't been posted yet. My favorite.

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” Albert Einstein

"A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice." - Bill Cosby

"The dumbest people I know are those who know it all." - Malcom Forbes

"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome." - Isaac Asimov

"Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious." - Peter Ustinov

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die." - Mel Brooks

"Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid." - John Wayne

"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard." - Steven Wright

"I reject your reality and substitute my own." - Adam Savage

"I just wondered how things were put together." - Claude Shannon, Father of Information Theory

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either; just leave me the h_ll alone.

Unknown

"GET TO THE CHOPPER!!!"


"Bread today is better than cake tomorrow."

Cake is always better than bread!